Giano: Viewing the world

ive wanted to preach battle cries.

"Fell deeds awake. Now for wrath, now for ruin, and the red dawn!!"

Arise! Arise, Riders of Théoden, Spears shall be shaken, shields shall
be splintered!, A sword day…a red day…and the sun rises, Ride
now…Ride now…Ride! Ride for ruin and the world’s ending! Death!!!

i lay waste my emotion, Ive been thinking a lot.. searching my soul.
realizing my contention.

my heart speaks with me. and i speak with it.
we’ve formed an understanding.

but i sometimes think its plain crazy.
the idea of falling. of loving.

the miracle of life is always in the idea of the unexpected.
when you love, you think its only good to love when love is returned.
but what if its not.

i tend to calculate the risks, telling my heart not to break in. saying its too dangerous.

but then again I’m weak. my heart conquers my soul, it begins to think for me. its irrational. it does not calculate risks.

and now it suffers for my weakness. it cries. there is the absence of love. of touch. of emotion.

held between a crossroad. i decide, i calculate. i begin to think.

and now i think like my heart.

irrational.

just as how love is..

to joy in pain. to wallow and hope. to love in the absence of love.

it may never get returned. my heart tells me its part of the journey.

you hope, you pray, you tell her how you feel..

in the end, she decides whether she’s with you. across this journey.

"cross river we journey. this heart cries hope for its lonely.
it wishes companion. the mountain rises, but this heart never ceases.
it would rather die in struggle. crying out its loved soul. than to retreat. and remember. loves lost, loves forgotten. but love was never tried."

got this big inferiority complex… some of my friends tell me its misplaced..

i cant say i blame them.. well i also cant say i wont feel inferior..

im afraid…

afraid that i cant be what she wants me to be.

afraid that i cant do what people expect me to do.

but then again, what matters most is how i feel for her…

I cant be what she wants.

I cant do whats expected…

i can be the person she needs…

and love when its no longer expected…

"Good Night, Good night! Parting is such sweet sorrow, that I shall say good night till it be morrow."

it will always be in a bliss…

The secret of my song, though near,
None can see and none can hear.
Oh, for a love to know the sign
And mingle all her soul with mine.

nothing seems to come out right…

even with you..

but it never really matters….

id take inconclusion… than any present rejection…

think of it as fantasy….

for me this is reality…..

a lonely spirit…

a distant time.. a distant place…. if i could only bend time and space…

maybe your with me… maybe your not….

a lifetime longing… ive always had to wish a lot…

my longing comes depression… i ask for attention…

not to satisfy this longing…

but for you to see…..

that every part of me…

you can be….

make this complete…

burden so light…

make this complete…

grant me your sight….

if only i knew….

whats in your heart…

but ill always wish it was me…

i had a conversation with my friends.

and apparently questions popped up…

Does she like you?

Does she spend time with you?

Does she know you exist?

Does she know how you feel?

Does she even care?

i guess right now, the answers to these questions maybe No..

but only this day..

for the next day is another chance…

each moment you breath… the life you have… the life you are willing to give….

to change those outcomes…. No can be Yes. Yes can be No….

your strength lies on your power to encompass life.

each day.. live to change….

"You have to take risks. We will only understand the miracle of life fully
when we allow the unexpected to happen."

"We have to listen to the child we once
were, the child who still exists inside us. That child understands
magic moments. We can stifle its cries, but we cannot silence its
voice. The child we once were is still there. Blessed are the children,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. If we are not reborn – if we
cannot learn to look at life with the innocence and the enthusiasm of
childhood – it makes no sense to go on living"

I found these quotes stunning after re-reading the book.. i guess it sort stuck to my head….

if i am not for you..

who am i?

if not now..

when?

if i dont feel like this…

how?

what is it inside?

So I`ll hold you tonite
Like I would if you were mine
to hold forever more
And I`ll savor each touch that I wanted
So much to feel before
How beautiful it is. just to be like this..

i cant keep it to myself…
each day. each passing moment.
each ending, i have yet to begin….

sort my thoughts tonight….
you’ll find one content..
i wish for you to see it..
and sense my intent..

i lay before it… my thoughts and feelings..
of joy and love with no endings..